Hello My Friend,

We all say we want more joy. Some people act like it’s some sort of mystery or secret about how to have it…joy, pure, lasting, unquenchable JOY!

But really it is not mysterious and there are many paths to joy; many things you can give up or start doing to increase your joy.

Here are 5 steps to take, things to give up in order to experience lasting joy –– guaranteed to have immediate impact. Try them for 24 hours, starting right now and experience the life-changing impact.

STOP:

1) What-if Scenarios – Don’t indulge in a single “what if” it went this way or the other way. Don’t do it. Just accept what is and move forward from there. What-if is all about reconstructing the past and when we waste time on “what-if,” we get into a state of longing and possibly pining…after what can NOT be. Before you know it you are in a negative quagmire of emotions.

The only exception here is if you are able to re-do a thing and you have an opportunity to go at it again. THEN and only then is it wise to think of how you are going to do it differently this time around; Remember of course to apply the lessons learned. Other than that, just don’t indulge in this grand waste of time and energy. Fundamentally, this is a fear based activity where the outcome can only be negative.

Point: Being present, accepting what is makes joy (which can only occur in the present moment) possible. What-if’s keep us in the past.

2) Assuming You KNOW – When something happens and you are sure you know what is in a person’s head or why it happened when in fact you are simply surmising based on your perceptions and emotions, you are wasting time and energy on what very likely is NOT even the case.  

Sadly most of the time what we think we know about others or a situation is so far off base; but the conviction we have makes things worse as we tend to dwell on the negativity of what “we think we know.”  Don’t do it. Just give up all sense of knowing what is in another person’s head and why people do what they do. We just don’t know for sure, and never will.

If you’re going to assume anything, why not choose the most positive assumptions? Why not choose what will serve you best?

Point: Don’t engage in negative assumptions, they kill joy! ALWAYS choose joy!

3) Thinking You DON’T Know – Doubting yourself – Now when you know what you know about YOUR OWN LIFE and have certain inklings and inclinations, TRUST yourself and STOP doubting and belaboring and getting stuck in anxiety. Get more courageous and confident about what you know you know about who you are, whose you are and the life you are here to live.. You know when you know – just own it and move forward.

Point: KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW and stop living in/with doubt. Joy comes from a place of confidence and courage to BE who you know yourself to be.

4) Blaming Yourself and Others – Just give this up. Period. What’s the point? Blaming is a negative state that some folks connect to being “responsible” or “accountable” for what they have done.  But there really is no connection. Blaming is a fear –based, anxiety-creating state of accusing and shaming…all of which simply blocks all things positive, especially joy.

Being responsible and accountable for mistakes are positive states of maturity that frees a person to move forward and in fact, they make true joy possible.  So put an end to all self-blame.

The exact same can be said for blaming others as for blaming yourself. Holding others accountable for their actions, if this is appropriate in your relationship, is necessary. Blaming, accusing, shaming or in any way encouraging negative emotions in yourself or others are surefire ways to block joy. Put an end to blaming today.

Point: As a fear-based emotion and behavior, blaming cannot have a positive outcome as it is designed to create shame and guilt. This is the opposite of what joy is about.

5) Not Forgiving – When we choose to withhold forgiveness we block our peace and our joy. By forgiving – self and others, we create space in our hearts and minds for joy to blossom. Un-forgiveness is a negative state – as much as we might want to convince ourselves that we “don’t care” or we “don’t even think about that situation or person anymore,” when we have a negative sensation (or even an “indifferent” one) towards a person or a situation from the past, we are stuck in the negativity of un-forgiveness AND we are stuck in the past. This blocks our joy.

Forgiveness is a gift we give our self. It is NOT for the other person – unless of course you are the “other” person. We create and gain peace, joy, increased productivity and creativity, prosperity, grace, and a host of other positive spin-offs when we release the baggage of negativity.

Point: Live with a forgiving mindset – forgive easily and consistently if having joy is your goal. Even more, try not getting offended in the first place! A forgiving, peace loving mindset makes this possible. 

Things happen daily – minute to minute really, that could impact our state of peace and joy IF we allow them to. How we respond is all up to us. We have choices in EVERY situation, as much as it seems/feels like we don’t.

We can choose to see what happens on the outside (everything outside of our own emotions and identity) as something we can allow into our inner world or NOT. 

We can decide that we only know what we choose to know and we can never know what is going on in another person’s head or heart. AND even if we had that ability – it’s still our choice whether to bring it into our world or NOT.

So try giving up these 5 behaviors/choices and focus instead on being present (no what-ifs), knowing only what you really know, being confident in what you know, being positive (no blaming) and forgiving easily and frequently.

I guarantee your joy quotient will shoot up as you incorporate these behaviors and mindsets into your daily life.

I wish you an abundance of joy, peace and love,

Julette Millien

~♥~