Hello My Friend,
It’s a common human experience, much as us high achievers might wish to deny it: Some days are much rougher than most as far as remaining optimistic, productive and at peace. The human condition is such that we are in constant flux with incoming stimuli and internal emotional, physical, mental, psychological and spiritual states of being. Staying in an optimal and ‘non-stuck’ state requires focused intention and… attention at times and even then, it is STILL a challenge!
Being stuck (basically, not in a happily productive and peaceful space) can look and feel like moodiness, anxiety, numbness, procrastination, frustration, worry, despondency and even depression. If you are “stuck” in a rut for more than a couple of days and it happens regularly, you may need to meet with a counselor to discuss how to change this state and get to the cause.
When I sink to any state of pessimism or any other fear-based emotional state there is usually some combination of these three factors at play:
- Being out of sync with a mindset of Love and gratitude (being fear-based and ungrateful – not accepting life as it exists in the PRESENT moment)
- The running of an old script (stuck in the PAST as a victim and basically not taking control of your life)
- Worry and anxiety (jumping to the FUTURE in doubt)
1) I wrote an article on the Nine Ingredients of Love and outlined the traits and behaviors we would live if being loving was our goal. Being patient, kind, generous, humble, courteous, unselfish, good-tempered, guileless and sincere represent the whole of love. Meaning, any piece (or even having several parts) minus any one piece would not result in love at its highest and best: We would be loving (our self, God or another being) without our whole heart, mind and body.
So, if any one (of these nine ingredients) is missing from your present and regular state, getting stuck on a regular basis is very likely…especially if you are unaware of what is missing. The tips below will help to get you unstuck and keep you from returning to that undesirable state, if you practice them daily.
Creating habits of these activities and of the nine ingredients of love – being patient, kind, generous, humble, courteous, unselfish, good-tempered, guileless and sincere, will add such a tremendous amount of joy, optimism, productivity and peace to your life, you will hardly ever experience being stuck again. And if you do, you will be there for a very short period of time. Don’t forget, perfection is never the expectation. We are humans after all and as such, demanding perfection is to court anxiety and disappointment.
Being ‘out of love’ keeps us out of gratitude. How can you be grateful for any small or even large blessing if you are in the midst of a negative state?
Gratitude is a manifestation of love and with just a glimmer or flicker of it, true and deep gratitude, that is, the flame of love can be ignited.
2) The running of an old script: We all have them; words and phrases that may or may not apply at present. We run scripts over and over again. Like a vinyl record album (of the “olden” days) with grooves in them, our mind/memory is grooved with habitual thoughts and emotions running over and over again with or without our permission.
It’s important to become familiar with the scripts you run and how they position you in life. Do your scripts cast you as a victim? As sad and impotent? As you become aware of your old scripts, pay attention to the roles you play and for patterns of casting. Our scripts can keep us locked into certain roles for as long as we choose to run the old script. So become aware… ask for feedback from trusted friends/loved ones.
Even when habits change and self-awareness comes into play, we sometimes revert to old scripts without even thinking about it. If we’ve had a habit of responding to certain things in a particular way, for a long time, responding differently will require continued awareness. In addition to awareness, we must take consistent action to “re-groove” our thoughts and mind.
3) Worry: When we worry we are agreeing to fearfully, in thought and emotion, jump into the future. When we do that we negate the present moment. We are essentially saying the present moment is not so important; that it’s not really possible to impact the situation at hand or more importantly, impact our state of mind, if we were to remain completely present. We’re saying, NOW doesn’t matter and we “really” need to mentally and emotionally dwell on our concerns for what might happen in the future. We do all of this knowing full well that nothing will be resolved or improved with worry! It is a hard habit to break.
Though we may know it doesn’t help intellectually, emotionally avoiding the impotence of worry is a huge challenge for many people.
The best way to replace worry is by creating a powerful new habit that will help you to be productive and at peace. It’s always best when trying to stop a bad habit to focus on actually DOING something positive instead. This way you are focusing on the positive new habit and not on the ineffective old one. So for instance, creating a habit of patience (one of the 9 ingredients of love) will help you to not only avoid worry but it will also help you to be more patient and loving.
You can become more patient by first committing to the process. If you are committed, fully, and you begin to identify yourself as a patient person in your thoughts, emotions and actions, it will come.
When worry hits, say “No!” Have an affirmation prepared to say out loud; like, “I DO NOT worry because I am a patient person.” And instead of spending the few minutes or hours you might have spent on worrying, you can have a plan in place and be ready to do something else – like work, read, workout, bake, write, clean, garden…whatever is a positive and uplifting way to spend your time. Then, stick to your plan!
21 tips for dealing with these three causes of getting/being stuck:
- Forgive yourself for being stuck and for any work left undone…
- Grow your gratitude muscle by beginning a gratitude journal, recording at least 3 things per day you are grateful for
- Praise God you are alive right now…and in your right mind
- Change your physiology – sing, dance, laugh, jog or work out (♫♫♫ Music, laughter and exercise are POWERFUL as a triggers for changing states!)
- Find something each hour to be grateful for – do this for a few days each week
- Be still, breathe deeply 7x and… BE in this present moment
- Over a few days, stretch that awareness of being ‘present’ to 60 seconds, then practice finding this space of presence at least once per hour for 5 hours straight – do every day for 21 days
- Imagine the path of your breath through your body and gratefully observe your cells being nourished by that breath
- Whatever exists at present is WHAT IT IS: Practice saying “I accept what is in this moment” BEFORE going into fix-it mode for the next moment of life ( “Accept” does NOT mean approving or liking!)
- Think of a few ways things that can be worse and be grateful it isn’t
- Do a random act of kindness, just because…
- Sit comfortably and imagine yourself unstuck – what are you doing? (Then go do that thing, if at all possible)
- Choose a project you have procrastinated on and do one small piece of it – something that takes no more than 10 minutes
- Become aware of what you repeatedly say to yourself and/or to others
- Assess whether those scripts work for you and replace them if they don’t
- Do a 21-day program to replace the ineffective script with more powerful self-talk (Free program at website)
- Commit to x number of hours and/or days to NOT WORRYING – wear a rubber band and each time you stray, snap it
- Catch yourself (become aware) when you start worrying and become still – breathe deeply and pray and/or meditate. Then implement your plan (above)
- Give yourself 10 minutes per day as your “approved worry time and zone” – record all issues as they pop up (quick, short notes) and be firm, allowing yourself to worry at the designated time only. Preferably at a designated spot as well.
- Be sure to get restful, good sleep on a consistent basis
- Read an inspirational book – scripture, real stories/testimonies of survival or your favorite sections of favorite books. As you read, imagine yourself in conversation with the writer, asking questions and them answering you directly. (Our imagination is SO very powerful!)
A final thought to ponder: Sometimes getting stuck could be a way of being still…so be careful to not be too hard on yourself. If you are constantly doing and running around with a massive work-load, being still could feel like being “stuck” and getting comfortable with stillness is crucial for your continued health and productivity.
Get to know the difference between “stuck” and the need to be “still.”
Try something new – anything on this list, you’ve never done before, do THAT first! 🙂
Wishing you an abundance of peace, love and joy,
∞♥∞