Hello Friend!
Today I discovered a typo in yesterday’s blog update – that was already sent to all my wonderful subscribers! In other words, too late to change it: Don’t you just hate that? Finding mistakes in writing or any other time sensitive output that are too late to fix!?
Thank goodness most mistakes are not bound by the rules of print and publishing. Most can be fixed and if you have a plan for them – you do know they will never stop, right? – you can actually make mistakes a part of your daily peace plan.
That’s right – incorporate them in your plan for peace each day and watch your mindset change; from resistance to appreciation. As Star Trek fans fully understand – “resistance is futile!” 🙂 (Taken from a favorite episode where the invading Borgs believed they had the power to assimilate all species).
It truly is a waste of time and energy to resist making mistakes. THEY HAPPEN, they will continue to happen and we best figure out a way to find the value in (making) them!
Here are the top 5 mistakes we make when it comes to making mistakes – turn these into your 5 steps for keeping your peace through mistakes. We don’t:
1) Acknowledge it – Yes, first we must acknowledge that we are responsible for making a specific mistake. No broad generalizations like “Oh I messed that one up!” Be specific about what the mistake is, say it to yourself and to those affected. Also acknowledge the consequences, if you are aware and ask about it if you are not. There is no need to beat yourself up as you acknowledge – it’s not about your guilt or shame, it’s about what your mistake has caused or created for others. Finally, you need to acknowledge the person’s feelings about what has happened (and if it’s you, acknowledge your own)
2) Apologize – When you acknowledge the mistake, the consequences and the feelings, an apology flows pretty naturally, for most people. For others, it’s a struggle. Sometimes guilt and shame gets in the way and we get all tight and stuck in denial. When we feel so bad about something we sometimes try to stick our head in the sand and pretend like it didn’t happen. Practice apologies in your head and even out loud if this is where you are. Apologies need to be sincere, specific and spontaneous. If we apologize “in the moment” the mistake gets less time to take root and spread through the other person’s emotions
3) Allow yourself to feel bad about the consequences – That’s right, feel what you need to feel to keep it real. If you really messed up somebody’s plans or project, it’s OK to feel badly about that! Remorse is good; guilt and shame, not so good. Feeling responsible, accountable and remorseful are healthy and appropriate feelings. Turning these into prolonged states of guilt and shame is unhealthy and indicates deeper issues with your unrealistic expectations of perfection. Give yourself time to feel badly then move on to step #4…
4) Appreciate the lesson – To get the most out of this step, you have to do a good job at the first three. BUT…knowing that this step is coming, will allow you to go through the first three steps with more ease. Know in the back of your mind that there is a lesson somewhere and if appropriate you can even reference it in your apology so the person will know you are planning to NOT repeat this mistake. I say “if appropriate” because sometimes, it’s just not the time or the place when someone is super focused on their pain and discomfort, to get into a philosophical, future-based conversation about your lessons and insights. If you approach mistakes with an intention to find the lessons, you will find them all the sooner. Believe me, they are always present. Life is never wasted.
5) Admire your humanity! – Finally, after acknowledging, apologizing, allowing yourself to feel and appreciating the lessons, devote a few minutes to admiring how human and wonderful you are! Mistakes are a sign that you are living life fully and making an effort to do something beyond the safety of what you have perfected (and even then, mistakes will happen). Michael Jordan – the great American basketball player (some say the greatest ever) has often said that he missed more shots than anyone else in his career…but he made more attempts and scored more points than anyone else as well!
Of course we don’t need to happily plan on making mistakes, especially as they often result in challenging consequences, but making use of them once they have occurred is just smart living. Adopt these 5 steps in your approach to mistakes and you will soon have a mindset of peace and calm to see you through any storm. Increased peace, improved relationships, more joy and productivity are some of the inevitable benefits of having a mindset of appreciation instead one of resistance towards mistakes.
Practice these 5 steps and your mindset towards making mistakes WILL evolve; you will begin to see mistakes as opportunities for growth and potent humility. You will also find lasting peace when you lose all resistance to making them.
After all, why resist the very proof of our humanity?
Wishing you an abundance of peace, joy and productivity,
~♥~