Hello My Friend,
When I was younger, a little girl, I thought my sensitivity was a big problem. I hurt easily, pouted and was often perceived as rude. And with my red lips (extra obvious on a little girl) the pout looked even poutier. (These extra red lips posed many a challenge! People actually thought I was precocious and wearing lipstick at eight; some even letting my mother know they “saw me in town with lipstick on!”)
What I was was sensitive. The origin of that was something that fascinated me – so I pursued those insights and connections as a teen and young adult – read profusely on the topic and studied psychology at SU. Of course I realized there was a real connection to being hurt/abused as a young child – by those who professed to love me.
I remember being hurt so easily. I took offense quickly and was internally sullen for much of my teenage years. Sounds sad, even dismal but as it turns out, being sensitive has been the saving grace of my life.
Thank God I felt the deep pain of abuse and didn’t shove it under a rug to manifest in destructive behavior patterns I never could understand. I felt the pain of a lost innocence and the anger that comes with it. It’s through that pain I groped around in the darkness seeking my way out.
And thank God, I found that it – my way out – was through forgiveness. It’s my sensitivity that got me to forgiveness. Because filled with a ton of negative emotions and pain, I was just so bogged down I was paralyzed. Being so sensitive, paralysis felt like death – if death could be felt.
So from a very young age, I knew I had to find a way to release the pain, the negative thoughts and, even the sensitivity. For decades I attempted to become and be thick skinned (even discovered a favorite word – pachyderm (thick-skinned), in the process.
I didn’t want to be hurt, bitter and unloving. I didn’t want to be easily offended and quick to lash out in self-protection. I wanted to be loving, healed and deeply connected. And it felt like being sensitive was standing in my way. Changing myself, fundamentally, seemed necessary.
It wasn’t until I realized that being sensitive had some wonderful benefits that it occurred to me I should simply embrace this state of mine and celebrate my ability to feel, to connect and to love at an even deeper level.
Embracing who I am and putting my energy into being the best sensitive person I know instead of bashing myself or trying to change myself was the most freeing “decision” – decision in quotes because I don’t recall actually deciding that, it just evolved. And then one day, it was. But I know it started with a deep desire to be my best self – I can recall that sensation for as far back as I can go.
So here is how sensitivity has saved me specifically:
1) Forgiving mindset: I became committed to being a forgiving person from very young. This allowed me to be lighter and more capable of being productive and connected to others. The frequency with which I felt hurt demanded some sort of lasting relief. I chose forgiveness as my emotional salve. My mother was my role-model of forgiveness as I observed her treating people well who had caused her pain.
2) Loving and empathizing: I love people – my loved ones, people I’ve never met, people all over the world who I know nothing about other than they are caught up in certain horrific situations – I just love people. A sensitive spirit empathizes easily with others, as long as you keep yourself light enough and pain-free enough to look outward. The key to that is point #1 – forgiveness.
3) Becoming other-centered – remembering it’s not about me helps to take the focus off of me… I remember consciously deciding to focus on what another person might be feeling when I think they’ve hurt my feelings. Making that decision – to focus on others – has been an absolute life saver. It allowed me to feel less, see more and love more. This is a major benefit of being sensitive. Being so in touch with my own emotions, allows me to understand what others may be going through when they unthinkingly lash out or ignore. We humans are after all much more similar than we are different.
4) Emotional accountability and maturity: If you feel a lot of things and acknowledge those feelings (be accountable for them) those feelings tend to dissipate faster and the ability to move on in reason becomes more available and likely. Maturity is being accountable for your emotions and putting them in perspective so as not to be strangled quietly. It’s being honest about what is being experienced without blaming and hurting others.
The transparency of being emotionally accountable helps with building rapport, connecting to others and actually helping others to navigate their own emotions with and through your experiences.
5) Bounce-ability: As a sensitive person who has accepted being sensitive BUT does not wish to be selfish or self-centered, I’ve had to learn to recover quickly: I call this my bounce-ability factor. Whether I need to quickly forgive, or perhaps decide to not take offense at all, or focus my attention on the person’s needs or, choose to express myself appropriately – any of these options gives me the ability to NOT get stuck in a bruised state of any kind.
Because of these 5 benefits, being sensitive is no longer something I dislike about myself because it betrays my deeper purpose in life; it now works for me in/at all levels. My so-called weakness has been turned into a strength. The spiritual motivation for this transition comes from my readings about and connection to Jesus. I don’t know if he was “sensitive” but he certainly was easily touched by humanity’s pain and he was humility personified. He absolutely is my spiritual role-model.
And perhaps the greatest benefit underlying the 5 above is a desire to grow in humility. Some say sensitive people are that way because they are self-centered, think the world revolves around them and their emotions matter most. If sensitivity goes untended, perhaps these are natural outcomes.
But, if you decide – make a conscious decision – to be a self-aware and loving person not “in spite of” your sensitivity but because it is who you are, who you were made to be then your sensitivity will help you to get there. Once you choose to be a loving person, you’re choosing humility; it’s part and parcel… when that choice is coming from your heart, humility is potency.
A humble spirit takes life as it comes, handles it as best they can while honoring their authentic self and recognizing that interacting with others will have its hurtful moments and it won’t be the end of the world. To decide or believe otherwise – that no one will hurt you because you will protect yourself by being indifferent, distant or disconnected is beyond sad; it’s foregoing joy, love, and lasting peace.
We can choose to not be hurt or take things personally; just in general. But if after that decision is made, something pops up and it hurts – the key is to accept it and humbly move forward in forgiveness. If it’s a pattern, of course changes in relationship may have to be made but don’t waste time denying the pain with fake strength or prolonging the impact with a lack of forgiveness.
With experience, less will be taken personally, less forgiveness will be needed and your humble spirit will grow beyond what you thought was possible.
The fact is you can be humble and sensitive – at the same time, not alternatingly. As long as you remain motivated by love, anchored in grace and fueled by forgiveness, your humility will temper your sensitivity.
And as I reflect back on the origins of this sensitivity of mine – that it possibly came out of some horrific childhood experiences, I find this is a tremendously positive way to turn all that was meant for bad into good. Some may say, “get rid of all that comes from something negative.” I prefer to say, “let us lovingly turn all that comes from something negative into massive positives.”
And perhaps being sensitive was what I was destined to be anyway. Who knows! I just know that there is nothing negative about being my authentic, SENSITIVE self. As long as Love/God is served, as I live at my highest and best, it’s all good.
It’s a daily work.
Wishing you an abundance of Love, Peace & Joy,
∞♥∞
Hi Ant!!! I saw this on FB and didn’t realize it was here! Something is not quite right as I haven’t gotten notices of comments – not good! But thank you so much, your encouragement really warms my heart. I hope you are well and filled with love. As you usually are 🙂 God bless you.