Hello Friend,
Do you like to be talked down to? When someone speaks to you as if you are dim-witted, slow or generally incapable of doing something, do you feel good about yourself?
If you’re “lucky,” perhaps you might be motivated to prove them wrong and at least make good use of the abuse. But most folks get de-motivated.
Depending on when this takes place in your life and who does the damage, the impact on your sense of self-confidence can be devastating. Research does confirm this negative dynamic but even without the research, it’s a pretty self-evident fact that negativity breeds more of the same. The negative words and messages that you or someone else put into your psyche will, if you don’t interrupt the cycle, produce negative outcomes.
There’s negative impact on health, stress, self-confidence and productivity. More information on this research can be found here.
So tell me, if we know and accept this…that negative talk is damaging…why do we continue to engage in negative SELF-talk? If we don’t want others to speak to us in negative ways, why is it OK to do it to our self? (This reminds me of the ‘N’ word controversy!) How can we get all hot and bothered when another person speaks to us in a way that is insulting and discouraging but yet we permit our own inner chatter to do even more damage?
We engage in such damaging self-talk; we do it habitually and we often do it subconsciously. Whatever the reason or explanation, we do it and the impact is devastating. Negative self-talk is with us, often, when we’re not even aware of it. With but a thought we can squash a great idea, start on an emotional decline and ruin whole days. The negativity is particularly present when we are trying to do a new thing.
Whenever we are on a mission to change anything about our self, a little (or big) voice murmurs with hesitation and doubt about whether it’s necessary. Why? Because we LOATHE CHANGE! It’s not easy and we often just prefer to cling to the familiar – damaging, ineffective habits and all!
If you are in the process of trying to create a brand new success habit in any area of your life, please read the following very carefully.
In creating new habits, negative self-talk produces the complete opposite mental posture that you need. Things like “I can’t do this,” “I always mess up,” “This is too hard for me,” do not help you to increase your resolve and commitment. They do the opposite; these types of comments discourage and eat away at your self-confidence.
You need a positive, optimistic, self-confident posture. Changing, breaking and making habits are undertakings that require your most positive outlook. Change goes against everything your body yearns for; patterns and habits are so very comfortable for humans! (…especially the ones that bring some sense-based pleasure.) An optimistic mindset is your strongest defense against this internal resistance.
A negative self-image and mindset will surely NOT motivate you to do something that is challenging, especially when it is so enticing to not bother to change at all.
Have you ever taken a major exam or made an important presentation where you really wanted/needed to do well? How did you prepare? Did you stay out all night? Did you show up to the exam hungry and dead beat? Did you not bother to study or prepare? Did you walk in with no materials, pen or pencils?
If you wanted to do well, the answers here are pretty obvious. Chances are you did everything you needed to do in order to be rested, fed and prepared and positive.
Apply that thinking here and check your self-talk. Your daily preparation for this ‘major exam’ of creating new success habits is checking your thoughts before they manifest. Before you even have a thought, you have an emotion…monitor these. They can lead down a path of self-sabotage.
Of course you can acknowledge negative emotions and maybe even sit with them for a bit, but only you can exercise control over them by not having them produce unhelpful, negative thinking.
The things you say and the questions you ask during this time is what will determine your success.
How to create successful habits is all about your thoughts. What are you thinking? What questions are you asking? Is it “why am I doing this anyway?” or is it “what can I do to succeed with this effort?” Is it “why do I always mess up?” or is it “how can I approach this project with a better attitude, this time?”
Whatever you ask, the answer for THAT particular question will manifest. Whatever you think, the behavior for that thought will manifest.
Negative self-talk WILL result in a negative self-image; negative emotions, more negative thoughts and eventually negative, ineffective and unproductive actions will follow. Then of course the pattern continues…until you interrupt it by taking control of your thoughts.
How do you handle the challenging moments in your thought life? Take a few moments and create a plan for these critical moments. This is essential if you are to remain confidently optimistic about creating your new powerful success habits.
To Your Abundant Success,
~♥~