Hello My Friend,
Fun and funeral seems like they just don’t go together right? But look at the spelling… 🙂 Actually as far as etymology the two words are not connected, one Latin and the other Middle English. But what’s even more ironic is this: when you unscramble the letters in ‘funeral,’ you get ‘real fun!’
But from what perspective could a funeral be real fun?! Well when you think of it as a celebration of life as opposed to a fear-based farewell to the dead, you can get the sense of “fun” – to the extent a celebration through music, dance, story-telling and laughter can be and is fun.
Let’s take a look at what stops a funeral from being fun; the regrets, the remorse, the deep pain and the focus generally, on the loss as opposed to the life. Sometimes the pain expressed at funerals can be so heartbreaking.
The most pained person at the funeral is usually not the person closest to the deceased. It’s usually not the one who will miss them the most. It would be unusual if it’s the one who spent the most time with them.
Funerals are sadly, often a time of great guilt; People feeling guilty about what they did, did not do, said or didn’t make the time to say. It’s at this place of guilt that we can usually find the person in the most pain at a funeral.
The deep pain comes from what? In my experience deeply pained expressions of grief are coming from some variation of guilt or deep regret.
A strong suggestion: don’t make the arrogant assumption that the people you love will be here tomorrow for you to communicate, share, laugh and forgive. I say arrogant not to be harsh but to be accurate. It is arrogance to think you can handle something tomorrow as if you know with certainty that both you and the person will be here to handle it.
3 Steps to avoid this kind of pain and have FUN at a FUNeral…
1) Be other-centered:
If you place your focus on celebrating the life that was and on all the people around who might need your support, you will be less inclined to wallow in your own pain. You will go beyond the personal feelings and see a bigger picture of service. A true celebration is fun and won’t even be perceived as disrespectful if is coming from love.
2) Live in THIS moment:
When we decide – make a conscious decision, to live fully in THIS moment, we are deciding to take action, connect and be engaged with our environment and/or others at the highest, most alive and present level possible.
Now sometimes our best intentions, to see or connect with someone for instance, do not translate to action because we are simply not in control of things outside our own self. That’s perfectly understandable. What leads to guilt, remorse and deep pain is a pattern of intentions not manifesting or worse, having no intention at all.
If we are fully in this moment our intention would be to do whatever is put on our hearts in this moment, as best we can. And if THAT is done, there will be no regrets or remorse – at least not the kind that can lead to deep and wrenching pain.
Living this way will ensure you do not arrive at a funeral with a history of missed opportunities to spend time with the deceased.
Then you’ll be able to focus on celebrating the deceased’s life as opposed to your personal pain.
3) Forgive everybody for everything, everyday:
That really does sum it up neatly.
If you drop all baggage daily, you will be light. So light you can take flight – with your ideas, with your work and in your relationships. With the weight of anger, regret, anxiety, thoughts of revenge and painful memories you simply cannot live fully in this moment. All those emotions are based in the past.
So it’s not forgive some people for some things, sometimes – that leaves you with the real challenges and the real burdens because chances are you will forgive those things that you choose and that are easier. The bigger thing to forgive is where you will be stretched and blessed the most. It’s when we push ourselves past the feelings of comfortable forgiveness that we grow our capacity to forgive even more and hence, our capacity to love even deeper.
Now if you subscribe to this perspective and truly embrace the spirit of forgiveness – E3 (everybody for everything everyday) as opposed to S3(some people for some things, sometimes) you will not be caught at a funeral wishing you had received or given forgiveness to the departed.
THEN, you’d be freed up and able to focus on celebrating their life instead of dealing with your personal pain.
Consider these 3 steps – pray and meditate on them. If they sit well with your spirit and with the goals for your life, try them on. Service, Presence and Forgiveness, these three will serve you well.
Wishing you an abundance of joy,
~♥~