Hello Dear One,
This quote – The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. M. Gandhi – does not reflect what many people think/feel about forgiveness…
Sometimes it just seems as if I wear a big red sign that says “I forgive all violations, so go ahead, have fun, treat me however you’d like, I’ll be forgiving you…just as I did the last time you lost your mind!” Sad.
Not sad that I make this observation or feel this way…that’s just keeping it real. What’s sad is that many people mistake humility, kindness and forgiveness for weakness. They take it (and the giver) for granted. They loose their incentive – whether consciously or sub-consciously, to change their behavior as they interact with this “weak” person.
The thing is these people can’t handle receiving gifts – material ones included but especially gifts of love, like acts of kindness and forgiveness. I used to be one of those people, actually. So I know! 🙂
When I suffered from low self-esteem and a general lack of confidence in who I was and how lovable I was, I questioned gifts, blocked love and didn’t appreciate kindness. It’ what we do when we don’t know any better and when the capacity for love is not within.
I have a lot of compassion for people struggling with this issue. But I tell you, I just have to say, it’s so very challenging to handle a recurring lack of appreciation for love and forgiveness. At these times, if I’m not careful, I could slip back into a kind of sadness that lingers. It’s a short trip from feeling “foolish” about forgiving to wondering “why bother!”
But of course I have to bother. I have to keep loving and forgiving these knuckleheads 🙂! And so do you.
Why? Because it’s how I stay at/in peace and keep my joy; giving love, especially when it’s a challenge is how I grow in love and stay in love.
I have to remember that:
1. People do the best they can with what they’ve got – they’ll do better when they are better
2. It’s NOT personal…they are not setting out to take my love/forgiveness for granted
3. To do any less than I am capable of would hurt me more in the long run
4. I always have a choice whether to be offended or not (about the original issue or about my forgiveness being taken for granted)
The other thing about feeling foolish for forgiving a person for the same or similar recurring offenses is this: why is the “same thing” happening again and again? What role could I be playing in this cycle? Sometimes we become unwitting participants in other people’s drama. So if there is a recurring theme, it would be wise to observe and reflect on the role you play in events as they unfold in your life.
So I ask myself:
- Could I be encouraging this behavior in any way?
- What signals am I sending that may be telling this person “it’s OK to do what you are doing – I expect it and deserve it”?
- What aspect of me needs healing on this issue (sometimes we pull into our world experiences that can assist with our further healing)?
- How can I handle this issue to achieve a better result?
As tempting as it is to feel foolish and to be convinced that I have a right to be upset, sometimes the challenge is to remember that any negative feelings I choose to have are to DO WITH ME. If I choose to take offense or to feel foolish, I have to take responsibility for that choice and decide whether to keep having the same reactions.
The bottom line here? Despite how foolish it might feel to forgive, it is never foolish but what I feel is always my choice. Oh…and FEELINGS ARE NOT FACTS!
OK…writing this blog entry helped me and I sure hope it serves you in some way. 🙂
Wishing you an abundance of love, light and life,
~♥~