Hello My Friend,
I’ve been asked this again and again: “I’m a successful business person (or, student, consultant, writer, etc.) more or less, so why do I need to think about forgiving past hurts, if I’m not stuck in a negative space?”
Well, it’s that “or less” part that speaks volumes.
Too many people are content with less than their magnificent best.
Here are three bottom line questions you must answer:
Are you as successful (however you define) as you can or would like to be?
Do you sense something blocking your brilliance and your output?
Do you think you are in the best creative flow of your life? (as some would say, are you in the zone?)
Are you able to ‘leap for joy’ – literally or otherwise?
I’ve thought about and revisited these questions again and again.
Recovering from a series of horrendous childhood events (sexual abuse and date rape, forced me to face the demons of my success, joy and productivity) I have learned a few valuable things along the way. In a way, I’m grateful for my childhood trauma because I went places – emotionally and psychologically – and figured some things out that I may never have had the need to think about.
Why people excel and how excess emotional baggage can limit success and creativity are topics I’ve learned a thing or two about – the research, the degrees, the depressions and lost income, the redemption and the salvation have all come together to release me and set me free.
Now I’m helping others to do the same thing; be released and freed up to be their true magnificent, successful and joy-filled self.
Let’s take a deeper look at why even an already successful person would want to forgive past hurts.
The principle that connects forgiveness to productivity is Self-Efficacy.
Self-efficacy is about getting your work done…whatever that work is at a particular time in your life.
Taking care of and growing your business or career is a fundamental requirement for living. As adults we need to take care of our homes, our businesses and our communities.
How well we take care of things determines our state of mind. For some, a lack of productivity is a very painful place to be. Beating up oneself is common practice among those who procrastinate, for instance. There’s a feeling of failure that surrounds the inability to accomplish specific tasks.
What does this all lead to? A generalized sense of failing or being on a productivity roller-coaster is a common outcome of under-producing on a regular basis. (‘Regular’ does not mean daily or consistent…just often enough that there is a pattern of thought and behavior.)
Unfortunately reactions are not compartmentalized. They spill over on to other projects and areas of your life.
Bad feelings about not getting a specific project completed create more generalized bad feelings about other work that would otherwise be a breeze.
So suddenly what started as just an over-reaction to one task or project not getting accomplished, grows into a type of despondency and snow-balling that literally takes up too much space in your brain, emotions and in your life.
The key point of the self-efficacy principle is to get those things you deem important done. Get them done in a timely fashion. Or else, you find yourself using up space in your brain and in your life that could be put to productive and creative use elsewhere.
I was stuck in this pattern. Feeling bad because I was under-producing and of course, feeling bad about feeling bad! I had to go deeper and deeper to figure out why I was under-producing to get to the truth of the situation, not just the emotions of it all.
I kept coming back to a familiar place of psychic pain and often numbness.
So what did I need to do to get rid of that? All right answers pointed to:
- Feel it,
- go through it
- and then release it!
So, I gave myself the time and space to feel the pain I carried for years BUT I committed to ‘going through’ and not getting stuck anymore for any significant length of time.
I really wanted to be a forgiving person. My true faith in God was even in question, if I held on to the pain. I mean if I truly believe in the power of God/Love why would I be existing in a state of fear?
I wanted to release the baggage. All the research and spiritual insight demanded it but it wasn’t happening as quickly as I wanted it to.
So what did I do?! Started feeling bad and guilty about not forgiving and not producing at my desired level.
What a cycle of self-abuse that was!
I created another layer of negative emotion towards myself AND forgiveness itself – all while going through the healing process. Instead of becoming motivated to proceed on the forgiveness journey, I actually got demotivated! Patience and some much needed self-love had to be applied.
Only then was I able to interrupt the cycle of negativity.
How do you interrupt a negative pattern of not taking an essential action?
Nike was on to something:
Just do it!
You interrupt the negative emotional cycle by getting the thing done!!!
This is the best way to re-allocate that space in your life and in your brain. Get the forgiveness out of the way -or, I should say, started (by DOING IT) and the negative emotions attached to the lack of a forgiving action on your part just melts away.
Also – and here’s where/when the OUTRAGEOUS productivity takes place; the space that’s been used for memories of this pain, anger over the insult, outrage over the slight…imagine using this space for creative ideas, project development and for loving others!
Your energies will then be diverted towards projects and activities that bring lasting joy, prosperity and peace to your life. ***goose bumps*** You will be in harmony with the divine flow of creativity!
Now that’s self-efficacy.! Making yourself efficacious…making yourself productive.
Forgive a person (including yourself) and get productive…not just ‘ordinary’ productive but ‘outrageous’ productive!
You will produce at the magnificent level that matches your magnificent purpose in life!
There’s a causal relationship between forgiving and producing. Whether it’s producing great work or great play, or great love…when you release pain and guilt and bad memories, you create space for other wonderful things to get done. Here comes those goose bumps again! 🙂
So if you’d like to see an immediate spike in your productivity, your peace and your joy think about what you have not released; of what could be blocking your creativity pipes.
Forgive somebody ( and/or yourself!) today and watch your productivity soar!
Outrageous productivity as a result of forgiveness and release means you will be ‘in the zone’ and connected to your most faithful, optimistic and inspired self. You will go beyond just ‘doing stuff’ to BEing a productive, joyous person with a deep interest in others…the process of forgiveness sets all this in motion…
I know you have had the experience of letting something go and then having a burst of joy, creativity and/or productivity! Reflect and recall those memories and become empowered with the idea that if you did it once, you can do it again – at an even higher level than before!
If you are a survivor of childhood sexual abuse or any other kind of trauma and you have read this article to this point – CLEARLY, you are ready to take a step. 🙂 I just want to encourage you to follow your heart, face the challenge and reap the joy and productivity that WILL follow.
How about starting small, right here, right now…anyone annoyed you today that you can practice with? Building the forgiveness muscle is like building any other – with repeated action (like doing 3 sets of 10 reps each of arm curls) the specific area being worked will get stronger. So practice with forgiving every little thing that comes your way that would ordinarily bother you. Just release it and even better, don’t get offended or bothered in the first place!
Do this daily and your forgiveness muscle will grow and deepen to the point where the bigger issues of the past will be easier to release.
In Light and With Love,
~♥~